In February of 2006, we thought it a bit odd when we received a new volunteer application and the sky suddenly opened up to the heavens. It seemed out of the ordinary that rays of celestial light beamed onto the computer screen, and it gave us pause when faint chords of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony could be heard in the air. But then we shrugged and got ready for tutoring–after all, these things happen at 826CHI. Little did we know that there was, in fact, a very logical reason for all of these phenomena: Agent Carrie Colpitts had just joined the volunteer spy-ranks of 826CHI.

Where can we possibly begin with Agent Colpitts? Carrie joined 826CHI as an intern and went on to remain an über volunteer, supporting literally every aspect of 826 programming with brilliant style and awe-inspiring dedication. But one thing we’ve learned from her–with Agent Colpitts, wonders really never do cease. Carrie has floored us countless times by spontaneously organizing all of our supplies, cleaning even the remotest netherworlds of 826CHI, decorating the bathroom (twice!)–even hooking 826CHI up as paid extras for the upcoming Batman movie, The Dark Knight (this woman knows people)!

Also, have we mentioned that Agent Colpitts could craft Martha Stewart under the table with one glue gun behind her back? If you ever found anything lovely or intriguing at 826CHI, she has probably had a hand in it. Carrie has now designed the Moustache-A-Thon ‘Stache Sash two years in a row; she has created our entire stock of moustaches for The Boring Store; and she crafted about eight skillion corsages and boutonnieres for the 826CHI Prom. Oh, and if you’d like to send Carrie a “Thank You” card for any of this, feel free to write it on any one of the incredibly charming greeting cards she has also made for the store. Yes. Really.

We don’t know quite how, but Agent Colpitts consistently accomplishes all of this while being an extraordinary mentor and teacher for each student she has worked with at 826CHI. It surprises us not at all that such an incredible person would also become an educator, and that is exactly what Carrie is doing: this fall, Agent Colpitts becomes “Ms. Colpitts” as she completes her student teaching and receives her master’s degree in secondary education. While we know this means we will see her somewhat less frequently, we have no doubt that her warmth and talents will continue to be felt at 826CHI. And also, on behalf of the entire universe, we are overjoyed and grateful that Carrie is going to be a teacher. Agent Colpitts, we thank you, and Carrie, we are your greatest fans. (Really, did you give us any choice?) For all that you do, we salute you!

Think back, spies, to when you were merely wee spy-lets. You all had a vision of the coolest adult ever, didn’t you? Probably this person could come up with all sorts of cool ways to help you with your homework, even if it was your super-hard second grade book report. And probably this person was also really well-versed in spy paraphernalia and could not only tell you the specifics of that grappling hook you had your eye on, but could also invent neat spy lore and even create spy-themed activities. And probably, if you were exceptionally good at imagining this cool adult, they were really good at baking delicious snacks and could, in fact, frost 48 cupcakes in less than 5 minutes. Your younger-spy self probably thought such a person sounded amazing, but could never actually exist. But, spies, you were wrong—she does indeed exist. Her code name is Special Agent Jess Galli, and you can find her in The Boring Store.

Agent Galli made her stealthy entrance into 826CHI last summer–and just like that, she was a staple in The Boring Store. We’re not sure how Jess became such an ideal spy. Was it her experience at DePaul University studying that most clandestine field of theatre, Dramaturgy? Quite possibly. Were her preternatural motor skills a result of her baking gig at the Bourgeois Pig Café? Undoubtedly. (We hear she can also make really good biscotti.)

Whatever the reason, it is clear that Agent Galli has become an invaluable spy at 826CHI. She has saved many a day at tutoring, charming our younger students while leading them to homework victory, and getting even reluctant writers to churn our some hilarious stories. We will also be ever-indebted to Jess for the time she saved our drop-in holiday party by repairing umpteen graham cracker houses that had been hastily iced by those with less baking prowess than she possesses.

When not being an outstanding tutor, Jess is flexing her spy muscles in The Boring Store, where she can sell pigeon oil while telling people about 826CHI workshops while helping Agent Shaffner come up with a new spy activity while mounting an interactive mannequin head tube talker on the wall while being genuinely cheerful the entire time. Amazing.

It is little wonder that everyone wants to hang out with Agent Galli. This summer, she’ll be working in the arts education department at the MCA creating arts and crafts activities for kids and families to do together. After this, she’ll be heading to South Korea to teach English and win every heart in the Eastern Hemisphere. It is also her secret plan to end up in the city of Busan, where she’ll be only a 45-minute ferry ride away from Japan–where, she confides, “I plan on wasting all my money playing Dance-Dance-Revolution. I’m gonna be number one!”

Agent Galli, we will miss you beyond words, but we hope to hear many great things from South Korea, and we are fairly confident that we will not be the only people to think you’re the coolest adult ever. For your time as an 826CHI special operative, you have our unending gratitude. Agent Galli, we salute you!

Special Agent Meghan Keys loves a good moustache. When it comes right down to it, she is actually, how do you say, a bit of a connoisseur. Her expertise is likely due in no small part to the fact that her father proudly sported the world’s most amazing handlebar moustache–complete with wax!–throughout her childhood. (Honestly, the photographs are pretty phenomenal.) But here at agent headquarters 826CHI, we are more of the opinion that it’s really because Meghan embodies the term “Super Spy” and all that comes with it.

Agent Keys has been part of our illustrious team of volunteer spies since our first year of operation, and from the very beginning, her support of 826CHI has been anything but covert. It’s very common to hear any of the following around 826CHI:

“Who would could come with us to the Family Literacy Night?”
“Oooh, maybe Meghan could come!”

“We’re going to need some help working the front table at the event. Who would be great at talking to people about 826CHI?”
“Meghan would be perfect!”

“Is there anyone that could lend a hand in the store next week?”
“Meghan might do it!”

“Could any of the TAs lead that workshop?”
“Meghan would do an amazing job!”

Seriously, all those conversations have existed, and we’re not sure how Agent Keys continues to put up with us, but time and time again, she has made our programming all the more spectacular through her time, energy, boundless creativity, and all-round 826CHI Super Spy enthusiasm.

Most recently, Meghan has been seen around 826CHI leading fellow volunteers in making prom decorations, where it has been made amply clear that Agent Keys, is in fact some sort of craft ninja. The things she can do with cardboard and balloons is almost eerily flooring, and we await Prom 2008 on May 17th just as eagerly for the decorations as anything else.

But back to moustaches. Agent Keys recently demonstrated her Super Spy ’stache expertise at Moustache-A-Thon 2008, where she reigned supreme as Prosthetic Grower Champion and winner of the coveted Moustache Tiara. Clearly, she was in her element–during the course of the competition, Meghan created both a Moustache Cake (complete with rather delicious moustache icing) and a golden moustache piñata (craft ninja!) because, as Meghan says, “A party is not a party without a piñata. A party is also not a party without a moustache.” We couldn’t agree more.

Following this upper lip victory, we asked her a few questions about the experience and a bit about herself as well:

What do you do when you’re not at 826CHI?

Even though there have been a plethora of them, I’d have to say Prom 2006 was a good one. This is why I am so excited for Prom 2008! It’s going to be even better than the last one, I’ve been promised–and, in turn, will promise you. So you should come and ask me to dance so I am not standing in the corner holding up the wall.

Agent Keys, not only will we ask you to dance, we would also like to thank you: for the countless hours you have put into making 826CHI what it is, for your commitment to our various programs, and for your incredible interactions with our students. Agent Keys, we raise our ’staches to you!

Special Agent Mike Schramm is one of the most covert individuals we’ve ever known. In October of 2005, just as we opened our doors, Mike snuck into 826CHI and he has been stealthily volunteering ever since. Mike can slip into and out of a room faster than anyone we’ve ever seen–sometimes so quickly, that the only way we know he has been there is because our students have finished all of their homework and had a great time at tutoring, or something was really well-written and edited during an in-schools visit, or a field trip went particularly well, or there was one more striking upper lip during our Moustache-A-Thon. These signs are all typical calling cards of the legendary Agent Schramm.

When not at 826CHI, Agent Schramm is a freelance writer, which, he says, “means I’ll write whatever you want for cash.” Don’t let his offhand attitude fool you, though. Mike writes for three different blogs owned by AOL–two about videogames, and one about all things Mac. Frankly, he’s kind of a big deal. Mike also volunteers at the Neo-Futurists, which may be where he’s honed his comic style. On first glance, Mike may strike you as a quiet individual, but it is a well-known fact that if you get him going, he is in fact so funny that those graham crackers you got for “snack” at drop-in tutoring just might shoot out of your nose. Painful, but worth it.

Due to his clandestine ways, we thought it pertinent to ask Agent Schramm to answer a few telling questions as we honored him this month:

What is a secret talent of yours we may not know about?

Only a few people have ever seen me do it, but I can pretty adeptly play the ukulele. I also know a few good magic tricks. And I am a pretty talented Euchre player, so if you ever need a partner who will know not to trump your ace with a bower while you’re in the barn, I am your guy.

(Note: We have absolutely no idea what this last part means, but we’re fairly sure we’re never going to put money on a Euchre game against Mike.)

Who are you frequently mistaken for in public?

Later, I found out she was talking about a guy named Elden Henson, who is a real movie actor, looks just like me, and not only was in Idle Hands (with Seth Green and Jessica Alba), and all three Mighty Ducks movies, but also, yes, did appear in a movie with Sharon Stone called The Mighty.

(Note: Does anyone else see the pattern, here? Even strangers can tell that Mike is an individual with “mighty” tutoring and spy skills!)

What has been your favorite drop-in tutoring moment at 826?

I’m not sure if telling them this will make them more inclined to do their homework or not. I’ll probably keep it to myself anyway.

We’re sure he will.

Agent Schramm, we thank you for your tireless efforts and the surreptitious but countless ways in which you have made 826CHI a better headquarters for tutoring, writing, and espionage. Don’t tell anyone, but we salute you.

Don’t be alarmed. That screaming and cheering you heard on February 29th wasn’t your ears playing tricks on you again. It was the sound of 26 first graders receiving a “Seal of Approval” on the books they created during an 826 field trip.

On this Leap Day field trip, students came to 826CHI from Mrs. Kaufman’s class at Alcott School. When they arrived, they were told that a very serious task awaited them–Admiral Moody, our curmudgeonly (and perhaps fictitious) publisher, was demanding one great and original story, and the jobs of 826 volunteers were on the line. Speaking to the students via walkie talkie, Admiral Moody was rife with disparaging comments about both student writing and the odds of the class’s books being approved for publication. It wasn’t pretty, but Moody couldn’t have been more off-base. Mrs. Kaufman’s students plugged on and created the impressive and epic Leapy’s Birthday Adventure, the story of a kangaroo determined to have a great birthday with his friends despite the surprise appearance of his nemesis–a giant, goth turtle. The class left off its group collaboration with a cliffhanger ending, and each student went on to finish Leapy’s escapades and create a happy ending for our perseverant marsupial. Students then finished off their books with illustrations and had their books bound, each with its own author photo–where, of course, each author was sporting a solemn expression and a rather lustrous moustache, the well-known trademarks of any good professional author photo. In the end, books were given to Admiral Moody, who despite all odds, actually approved every book for publication (which clearly has never happened before and will never happen again at our field trips). The verdict was met with the deafening applause of 52 small hands, several triumphant dance moves, and much “woohoo”-ing. Our congratulations to Mrs. Kaufman’s class on creating such phenomenal stories!

Mrs. Kaufman’s group is just one of nearly 100 elementary, middle, and high school classes that will visit 826CHI during this school year. To date, we’ve had original characters ranging from a rockstar fox with laryngitis to a hapless oxygen molecule named Oxymoron to a particularly dastardly Jack the Ripper who uses the ultimate form of torture on his victims: interpretive dance to “Eye of the Tiger.” We’ve had wonderful details and use of plot throughout the year, with no shortage of bite-your-nails problems and nick-of-time solutions. And mainly, we’ve had the good humor and enthusiasm of several hundred students. We look forward to even more great writing and memorable classes in the coming months.

Every good emissary has an extensive range of talents, but we are fairly confident that there is nothing – NOTHING – that Special Agent Mindy Bartholomae can’t do. Mindy began her undercover volunteer operation at 826CHI a little more than a year ago, and already she has proven that her skills know absolutely no bounds. When she is not scoping out the city with her trusty Westies, gardening all over Chicago, beautifying nearby Commercial Park, or hitting complicated yoga poses, Mindy can be found at 826 doing pretty much–well, everything.

Where do we possibly begin? A former GED and family literacy teacher, Mindy now uses her skills with younger students as a consistent asset to 826CHI in-schools and drop-in tutoring. From elementary to high school students, there is no one that Mindy does seem to instantly hit it off with, and her work with students tends to yield amazing things. It’s also fairly common for a few small students to run to Mindy when she walks in during tutoring – honestly, we can’t blame them.

Agent Bartholomae also holds a rather impressive 826CHI record–“Most Often Threatened to Be Fired From a Non-Paying Job.” During our frequent Storytelling & Bookmaking field trips at 826, Mindy works her Storyteller magic as often as twice a week. (At one point Agent Bartholomae made the mistake of telling us she lived in the area and giving us her phone number in case we were ever short-handed for this role.) Even with this impressive consistency, her job is always on the line with our spoilsport of a possibly fabricated evil publisher, Admiral Moody, and he threatens to fire her–constantly. Mindy takes it all in stride though, and somehow manages to create a remarkable and original story with a classroom of students each time.

It would be hard to choose, but perhaps out favorite attribute of Agent Bartholomae is the fact that she so genuinely cares about 826CHI. We hesitate to say this, but she even cleaned our restroom once. We actually tried to stop her, but she is surprisingly strong. And our restroom is really beautiful now, by the way.

Quite honestly, when it comes to supporting 826, Mindy is one of the most amazing multi-taskers we’ve ever seen. If you need anyone to captivate and motivate students while gardening, playing the mandolin, cleaning your tutoring facility, dropping everything to come to your aid, and generally being all-around incredible, we’d have to recommend her. Agent Bartholomae, we simply can’t imagine how you do it, but we’re certainly grateful you do.

Spies, forgive us. We know we’re about to compromise your identities by revealing the following information, but the secret has just become too much to handle.

Here’s the deal: Ever since 826CHI opened its doors, we’ve had an underground network of spies using the guise of “Volunteer” as their cover.

These “Volunteers” are master undercover agents, putting up unassuming fronts by giving copious amounts of time to 826CHI programming, getting kids to do their homework, and working with students on a range of projects to help them create great writing.

Somewhere along the way, these spies became so good at assuming their volunteer covers that even we forgot their true identities. It’s difficult to remember to keep putting quotation marks around “Volunteers” when they’re actually at 826 constantly, helping out in a million different ways.

But in truth, most of our volunteers are spies. The best of the bunch, and for their work undercover, we will honor one of them each month. We begin, this February, with a particularly cool character:

Jeremy T. Wilson
Spy of the Month – February 2008

There was probably a time when Special Agent Jeremy T. Wilson was not at 826CHI, but we simply can’t remember it. Within months of our opening, Jeremy made himself an 826CHI regular—so much so, that we actually forgot he was not on our payroll and now call him several times a week for help. Jeremy has been an invaluable tutor, a great help in the drop-in program, a copyeditor for student-written work, and he has even written side-splittingly funny copy for a number of Boring Store products. Where does he find the time? We simply do not know.

You might think that these activities—along with his numerous undercover missions to Lichtenstein—would take up all of Agent Wilson’s time. Not so! In fact, these activities make up just a small portion of Agent Wilson’s volunteer contributions, as he has most notably been a staple figure in our field trip program. Whether working with Middle School students in our Small Group Bookmaking field trip to help them create such bizarre and memorable tales as Dr. Peanuthead and His Deformed Treasures, or helping classrooms of younger students create a masterpiece for our curmudgeonly publisher, Admiral Moody, Jeremy consistently ensures that 826CHI field trips are a memorable, productive, and—dare we say it?—hilarious time. Not only that, but he can also draw an illustration of an octopus that looks exactly like Edvard Munch’s The Scream.

Because Agent Wilson is with us for a good 72.6% of his week helping us with programming, we automatically assumed that we knew just about everything about him. It turns out there were exactly three things we did not know. So we asked him:

What do you do when you’re not at 826?
Usually I am at 826, but when I’m not, I’m dreaming about coming to 826. During the day, while pining for 826, I might sit around and write stories or roast coffee beans. In the evening, as I prepare to come to 826, I play Nintendo Wii or watch Food Network.

What is a secret talent (or talents) of yours we may not know about?
I can juggle, perform numerous tricks with a yo-yo, dance like Rerun from “What’s Happening,” and I do a dead-on impression of someone doing a bad impression of Jimmy Stewart.

What’s your favorite thing to do at 826?
I would have to say my favorite thing to do is play Admiral Moody at Scrabble, even though he will only play me through the curtain and I’m pretty sure he cheats. I mean, does “doppelganger” sound like a word to you?

How much can you really say about the greatness of 826CHI? Yes, it has amazing programs, a tremendous group of volunteers, a storefront unlike any other and hundreds of students eager to benefit from the center’s extensive services. But can you drone on and on about how great 826 is for hours at a time? Apparently, I can.

A few weeks ago I participated in Blogathon 2007 – a fundraising event where I had to post a blog every 30 minutes for 24 hours straight. I blogged and sponsors supported me with donations. Before I started, however, I was completely panicked about if I could actually pull this off.

I wasn’t really worried about staying up for 24 hours – I had a good stock of food, water and caffeine; TV and movies to entertain me;
and friends to visit and keep me awake. What scared me were the actual blog posts. I was responsible for almost 50 posts in one day, and I didn’t think I could pull that off. What was I going to write about?

I decided to not worry whether the posts would be interesting and instead focused my energy on planning blog topics. However, when Blogathon day came and the 8 a.m. start time rolled around, I looked at my list of topics and decided none of them were interesting at all. Again, panic.

I had promised I’d thank my sponsors in various posts, but that wasn’t going to be enough to fill up all 24 hours. I decided to start simple and talk about 826CHI. I have been involved with 826 for almost 4 years now, so I knew I had a lot of experience to draw from. Also, I figured it would be easy to talk about 826 while I was still sleepy, because its awesomeness is a no-brainer.

What I soon realized is that I had more to say about 826CHI than I had time for. There were so many incredible aspects of the organization that I could promote. I am so proud of being a part of this group that it was hard for me to stop writing about it. I wanted to take breaks between posts, but there was so much to say – so many things to highlight and amazing events to remember – that my blogging was probably more extensive than necessary.

I had spent so much time in the first half of the day writing about 826 that I had to thank my sponsors in the wee hours of the
morning – when I was exhausted and close to brain dead. What I really loved, however, was that many other blogathoners kept emailing me to ask questions about 826, express how awesome they thought it was and tell me how they wished they could work with an organization like ours. There were about 500 bloggers around the world participating in Blogathon, and so many of them wrote to show
their support for 826CHI. It is extremely exciting that a young organization like 826 has already garnered so much love and positive responses.

Even though 826 has many supporters and admirers and its programs are continuously gaining in popularity, it is still a struggle to raise money at times, which is why events like Blogathon are so important. I was able to raise $500 by devoting one day to 826, and I was extremely proud to do so. The organization has come so far in a short time and already has had an important impact on its Chicago community, and I love talking about it. Thanks again to all of my sponsors – knowing that money was coming in was as effective as caffeine in keeping me awake. If anyone wants to join me in blogging next year, I would be happy to have co-bloggers join the 24-hour 826 love fest.

Like many people, I wandered into 826CHI one day curious and in need of spy supplies… and left wanting to get involved. The old Kennedy speech played in my mind “Ask not what 826 can do for you, ask what you can do for 826!” And so, naturally, I decided I must do a workshop there with shadow puppets.

A proposal was written, TA’s were hunted down and supplies were gathered, and then suddenly I found myself in front of a group of eager kids ready to make the best shadow puppets ever–or eat me alive. At first it could have gone either way. They yawned over the technicalities of puppet-making, only showing polite interest in just how one would go about making a vacuum cleaner into a shadow puppet. And then they got down to drawing and cutting, and soon the vacuum puppet had plenty of friends to suck up. By the third class we were writing scripts for shows, and that’s where the real fun started.

Sample conversation from table two’s group, concerning a Robot and Butterfly puppets:

Kid #1: “The Butterfly can go behind the mountain and come and sting the robot and it goes to sleep!”

Kid #2: “OH, but the robot can put the butterfly to sleep with his LASER EYES!” Kid #2 demonstrates the effects of the laser eyes. “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!”

Kid #1 “ok, but the butterfly can come back and then the robot can fall sleep.”

Kid #2 “Yes, but he will get the butterfly with his LASER EYES.”

Some of the many characters the kids created included a rabbit with rows of vicious teeth, a unicorn, a toilet monster, a kitty cat, a scorpion, and a ghost bus with a movable ghost. Each person in the group was responsible for writing part of the script. Then students moved on to drawing and coloring the rolling background for their show and adding sound effects. At the last class parents were invited back early to see what we came up with. Performers took their places and the lights went out. We stalled for time by telling knock-knock jokes and a little accordian music kept the audience in their seats…. Then we were treated to three shows — one about a pirate captain and his crew, one about a robot that runs amok, and a toiletmonster2000 that gets flushed out to sea. A few more knock-knock jokes and the puppets went home with the kids. A hearty “well-done!” and “thank-you!” went out to TA’s and kids and parents.

And the moral of the story? Isn’t there always a moral? Yes — if you follow group #3’s show:

“If you don’t want to end up on an island by yourself in the middle of the sea don’t eat all your friends.”

-Andrea Everman
Shadow Puppets Workshop teacher.

Jennifer Brandel is a tutor and illustrator for 826CHI. In her other incarnations, she is also a script-doctor, a freelance graphic designer, a DIY crafter, and an aspiring claw-hammer banjoist. When she’s not on the hunt for the job to end all part-time jobs, she sings in the shower and discovers new uses for egg cartons.

It hit me (like that car door) while riding my bike today: why I have been procrastinating writing a blog entry for 826CHI – a place I love and respect and want to help out in any way I can. For a couple of weeks now, I couldn’t figure out why I hesitated to contribute my thoughts and experiences about the great days I’ve spent at this truly wonderful establishment. The simple and now quite obvious reason for my inaction is: I’m deathly afraid of children.

Yes – I’ve come to terms with it, about five minutes ago in fact. I am scared of children – what they think, what they say, what their cute and tiny intentions and motivations are. This all makes sense to me now, as I consider my life anew (cue harp playing and wavy computer page)…

I’m the youngest in my family, and for about 14 years, I was the youngest and only girl among my 20 odd cousins (odd here being quantitative, not qualitative). As the whippersnapper, I made it my mission to never act like the “baby” or “a girl” (whatever that means), and to generally be on the same level as the older crowd surrounding me.

In retrospect, this whole philosophy of age transcendence was what really got me through a very, very awkward 12-year period of my youth. By awkward I mean the works: I had glasses, perm, braces, acne, was overweight, wore matching sweat-suits, and was described by my fourth-grade teacher as “avant-garde” – a description that pretty much solidified to my ten year old mind that I was a hopeless outcast. The only way I could endure the teasing, shunning, exclusion and overall discomfort of these years was by telling myself that the other kids were “immature”, “just jealous”, or when they would tell me “You’re so weird” I would retort dramatically, “You’re so…so ordinary” (which never burned quite as intensely as I intended).

To this very day, when I walk into an Elementary, Junior High or High School, my hands sweat uncontrollably and anxiety kicks into overdrive. So why in the world would I ever want to do volunteer work as a tutor for the very same aged kids that nearly destroyed the last shred of my self-esteem? The straightforward answer here is: because I had no choice.

When I moved to Chicago a year ago after spending many months in the fields of lower Tasmania picking grapes and listening to books on tape, I secured a job for a children’s media company. One of my very first assignments was to design, write, and bring to fruition a wholly original children’s magazine that was by kids and for kids. Seeing as how I’d been avoiding anyone under the age or 16 for the past decade of my life, it was quite a daunting task – pretty near impossible if you’d asked me then.

So I did what any actor willing to play her part has to do – I tried to get into the mind of my audience; the problem here being that I was so disconnected from my audience that I might as well have been asked to write the definitive manual for schnorf-blapping on planet Zeltar. Yeah, I know. Finding out through little birdies here and there (mainly seagulls – they’re very much ‘in the know’) that an 826 location was set to open right here in Chicago, I figured that it was a sign….a sign from Dave Eggers himself that this was where I needed to be.

I served my time at 826CHI as a tutor, helping kids with subjects that I had long ago repressed or dragged to the recycle bin of my mind. Math was nerve-wracking enough, but the constant fear was the children themselves. I had a sense that at any given moment when I was imparting on them life-altering wisdom or beginning to connect, that one of them would level me with the type of brutally honest comment that only children and those with no social skills whatsoever are allowed to make…

Me: “Ok – you got it! Now carry the one, add the sev…”
Brutally Honest Child: “Your breath reeks.”

Or

Me: “So that’s why it’s important that we share what we have – because if one person had access to all the markers and refused to give anyone el—“
Brutally Honest Child 2: “Don’t you have a real job?”

Or

Curious Child: “How old are you?”
Curious Me: “How old do you think I am?”
Brutally Honest Child: “42.”

Slayed. Team Brutally Honest Children: 3, Team Scarred-For-Life: 0.

What surprised me the more and more I came into 826CHI to volunteer was that A) these sorts of comments rarely occurred and B) the kids actually looked to me as some sort of authority. (Me? What?) In fact, when I began illustrating for story-making fieldtrips, my self-esteem reflected back at me from the eyes of a child enjoyed marked improvement.

Various Children from story-making fieldtrips:
Child 1: “Wow! You’re an amazing artist!”
Child 2: “Are you a professional drawer?”
Child 3: “You should draw coloring books for a living!”
Child 4: “Will you teach me how to draw like you?”
Child 5: “What is that thing next to the house? Is that supposed to be a rhinoceros or something? You draw weird.”

Ok – so everyone but Child 5 had the opposite effect on me as originally expected. Instead of mildly dreading coming in to 826 for fear of the children finding out I was a fraud and couldn’t understand half of their homework, I began to look forward to it and feel a mutual respect blossoming between me and the collective entity that is all children aged 5-16.

Long story longer, tutoring at 826CHI has allowed me to give back in a way I never thought I was capable of. … and although I’ve left the job with the children’s media company that was my initial impetus to volunteer (I mean what kind of company expects one person to create an entirely original children’s magazine by themselves in 1.5 weeks?), I know I’ll be drawing and re-learning algebra there for as long as I’m in Chicago. My hands have started sweating less at the sight and smell of grade schools, my understanding of mini-people (aka children) has grown exponentially, and I feel a confidence in their presence that I’ve never felt before. This is all not to say that I don’t still obsessively suck on a breath mint before the little rascals arrive.